Dementia
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: Hiei is kidnapped by the most unlikely of people, and nobody even notices, because they're all spaced out on caffiene.
1. Caffiene Highs and Girl Scout Cookies

CHAPTER ONE  
Caffeine Highs and Girl Scout Cookies  
  
Hiei yawned, sitting up in his bed. He looked at the window, which he had left open the night before. It was started to get light. Half asleep, Hiei got up. He stood for a second, yawning, before he fell over backwards, realizing he was too tired to get up. He'd stayed up until two in the morning as it was; now it was only seven A.M. and he was awake again.  
  
'I wonder if those dimwits are all still awake downstairs. Idiots. Just because it's summer doesn't mean we don't sleep. And that's coming from me, of all people,' Hiei thought. He stayed in his bed for a few more minutes before forcing himself to get up. He changed his clothes and shuffled down three flights of stairs to the ground floor. Sure enough, he found Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Shadow gathered around a large table in the living room. All except Kuwabara were awake.  
  
Hiei had known Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara for several years, but he had only met Shadow about a year ago. She was a half-demon, about as tall as Yusuke, with long black hair, red eyes, and she always wore black. She had a silver zigzag streak in her hair, which she insisted was natural but Hiei still had suspicions. True, he'd never found any hair dye anywhere in the house the time he'd searched. He'd found several other things he wished he hadn't, but no hair dye. Hiei lived in her house. He had the two top floors to himself, but he spent time downstairs too.  
  
Now, when he came down the stairs, Hiei found his friends gathered around a large table, playing cards. The stench of coffee hung thickly in the air. The floor around Shadow was littered with empty 2-liter bottles that had been full of Mello Yello, Mountain Dew, and other highly caffinated sodas. There was a coffee maker plugged into the wall near Kurama. He and Yusuke had mugs beside them. Kuwabara was unconscious with his head on the table and a small trickle of drool coming from his mouth as he dreamed something, which Hiei was sure probably involved Kuwabara being some amazing world- saving hero. Between Yusuke and Kurama sat a container of sugar, almost completely empty. The table was littered with empty coffee cans and coffee machine filters. A pile of poker chips sat in the middle of the table, although it didn't look like any of them were playing poker.  
  
Hiei stared at his friends. Kurama picked up his coffee mug, shaking slightly, and finished it in one swallow. Yusuke looked at him.  
  
"Got any fours?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Go fish," Kurama said.  
  
Yusuke reached across the table and picked up a card. He muttered some profanity as it wasn't the one he wanted. None of them seemed to notice Hiei, so he walked into the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. After throwing some eggs into a frying pan, mixing up pancake batter and starting some pancakes, and putting some bacon in the microwave, Hiei walked back into the living room and leaned on the wall. Kurama twitched and looked around.  
  
"Does anyone else smell that?" he asked after a minute.  
  
"No," Yusuke said without even thinking. "Got any Jacks?"  
  
"Go fish," Kurama said dryly, still sniffing the air.  
  
"I smell something," Shadow said. Just then, the microwave beeped, signaling that Hiei's bacon was done. They all jumped ten feet in the air.  
  
"Shoot," Hiei muttered, dashing into the kitchen to flip his eggs and pancakes before they turned black and stuck to the pan. Then he opened the microwave and turned his bacon before starting the timer again. He pulled a mug out of the cabinet and went into the living room to get some coffee. Still, nobody seemed to notice him. They all were either too tired or too spaced out on caffeine.  
  
"Got any... threes?" Shadow asked.  
  
Kurama flung a three across the table at her before getting up to refill his mug. Shadow stood up and walked into the kitchen, where Hiei was busily making pancakes. She walked in and stared at him, squinting.  
  
"Hiei?"  
  
"Good morning, Shadow."  
  
"Morning?"  
  
"Yeah, it's 7:30."  
  
"Oh, wow," she muttered. She reached into the huge cooler and pulled out another two-liter, this time of orange soda, and shuffled back into the living room. She got there to find Yusuke looking through her cards. She didn't react. "Hey everybody, its 7:30 and Hiei is in the kitchen making pancakes."  
  
"I want a pancake, Hiei!" Yusuke yelled.  
  
Shadow suddenly looked terrified. She ran into the kitchen. She was barely through the doorway before Hiei shoved a plate stacked with pancakes at her.  
  
"I'm not setting anything on fire. Have some pancakes."  
  
Her jaw dropped, but she took the pancakes in her shaking hands and walked back into the living room. Kurama grabbed the plate from her and devoured the pancakes before Yusuke even knew she was coming back. Hiei came back in a few minutes later and sat down in the reclining chair, which Shadow usually killed him for sitting in. He had two plates stacked full of bacon, eggs, pancakes, cinnamon rolls, and other breakfast foods, plus some strange mystery meat which he decided to feed to Kuwabara when or if he woke up anytime soon.  
  
He watched the card game for a while. In twenty minutes, Kurama and Yusuke had to refill their coffee mugs 5 times each, and Shadow went through 1 1/2 bottles of Mello Yello. Hiei finished his food and went back upstairs.  
  
"What is their problem? They've been playing cards since 10:30 last night. Shadow's gonna go broke from buying all that stupid coffee and Mello Yello," Hiei muttered, saying that to no one in particular. Coming to a decision, he spun around and went straight back downstairs.  
  
"Okay, people, you're all done playing cards, no matter what you say. You're all going to bed," Hiei announced to them. The three twitched several times and looked at him.  
  
"Are you nuts?! I'm losing!" Shadow said.  
  
"I'm winning. I must win before I leave," Kurama muttered. "Hey, do you have any nines?"  
  
Shadow flung a nine across the table like it was a Chinese star and it hit Kurama in the head. He twitched before picking it up and setting it down on the table, along with another nine. He now had one card left. Hiei glared.  
  
"You people have issues. If you want to go ahead and do your drugs, I won't stop you," Hiei said, annoyed. By the time he got to the second floor, he heard Shadow announce that they were going to have a caffeine tolerance battle.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Three hours later, Hiei walked downstairs to find Shadow and Kurama glaring at each other across the table, shaking horribly and barely able to hold their cups. Shadow was refilling her glass with Mountain Dew, shaking so badly that half of it went on the table. She passed the bottle to Kurama and he filled his glass. They both chugged them in about two seconds and continued filling their cups. Yusuke was lying on the floor, twitching slightly and muttering. The doorbell rang.  
  
"Oh god, this better not be anything important," Hiei muttered. He walked to the door and pulled it open. Two girl scouts stood outside the door, smiling sweetly.  
  
"Would you like to buy some cookies? Part of the money will be donated to a good cause!" one girl said, holding out a box.  
  
'Good cause my shoe,' Hiei thought. He stared at the girls, who were smiling sweetly. "No. I don't want any of your stupid cookies."  
  
"Are you sure? They're delicious!"  
  
"Yes, I'm sure. No cookies," Hiei said, trying to close the door in their faces, but the girl pushed the door back open and put her foot in front of it so it couldn't close.  
  
"You really should buy them, mister. Don't you care about giving money to a good cause?"  
  
"No, not particularly," Hiei said.  
  
"You should. Don't you care about anything?"  
  
"Yes, I care about some stuff, but that's none of your business."  
  
"Please tell me what you care about mister. I'm very interested," the second girl said, batting her eyelashes and smiling.  
  
"Are you trying to seduce me?!" Hiei asked, thoroughly freaked out.  
  
"Maybe," the girl said, stepping closer. Hiei backed away and tried to close the door, but the other girl's foot was still keeping it open. The second girl, the one trying to seduce Hiei, walked right up to him and took his hand in hers. Hiei was a little scared and a lot disgusted, and he tried to pull his hand away, but the girl hung on tight. She pulled him out the door. The first girl pulled it shut behind them and help the second one drag Hiei down the street. He was too freaked out to do anything about it. A van was parked right down the street with about twenty other girl scouts surrounding it, watching Hiei being dragged toward them, struggling. Ten girls walked forward and started pushing him toward the van; the other ten grabbed his arms and started dragging him.  
  
'I'm being kidnapped,' Hiei thought fearfully. 'By girl scouts?!'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I know, it's incredibly strange. This just came into my head. First came the caffeine high idea, but when that didn't seem to be going anywhere, some idea just came into my mind. 'Girl scout cookies!!!' And this is where it led. I don't know whether or not to continue it. That's up to the people who read it and the reviews I get.  
  
-Girl scouts are a conspiracy!!! They kidnap people and put them into their  
cookies!!! Then they sell them to hide the evidence!!! RUN AWAY!!! 


	2. The Conspiracy of Girl Scout Programs

CHAPTER TWO  
The Conspiracy of Girl Scout Programs  
  
Ah yes. We left off last time when Hiei was being kidnapped by girl scouts.  
  
Somehow, the girls had managed to get Hiei into the back of their van. Now they all loaded in there with him. The Scout Instructor waited for them all to get positioned around him.  
  
"Now girls, you know what to do. If he recovers or tries anything, drug him, punch him, whatever you have to do to make him unconscious. Now, I'm trusting you with this, understand," she said.  
  
"Yes ma'am," all 22 said at the same time. Hiei's eyes darted around fearfully, then stopped on the open doors of the van. His mind started working and he was about to get up when the doors slammed, shutting them into darkness. One of the girls turned on a light that was hanging from the ceiling.  
  
Hiei looked around. He was completely surrounded by girl scouts. They were all crammed in the back of the van, which wasn't very big. Twenty-three people, plus about 100 boxes of cookies, didn't fit well. They were all practically sitting on each other.  
  
"What's your name?" one girl asked.  
  
"Why should I tell you?" Hiei asked, annoyed. "Little girls come to my door, drag me out of my house, lock me in the back of a van, and then they ask my name like nothing happened?! You're all nuts!"  
  
"Aw, he's scared. That's normal. We're used to that," another girl said.  
  
"You're used to it?! Do you kidnap people often?!"  
  
"Hmm... Yeah, pretty often. Nobody ever suspects us! We're the girl scouts, innocent young girls who walk around selling cookies," the girl answered.  
  
"You're insane," Hiei muttered, pushing himself back against the wall as far as he could.  
  
"So what's your name?"  
  
"I'm not telling."  
  
"Fine. Girls, we have to find a name for our newest captive!" the girl said cheerfully. Hiei closed his eyes to keep them from seeing the horror he was feeling. They whispered amongst each other for a few minutes until finally...  
  
"We've decided on a name."  
  
Hiei opened one eye nervously. "Really?"  
  
"Yup. You'll love it."  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"It's... Foo-foo!"  
  
Hiei's eyes snapped open and he looked at the girl in horror. "Foo-foo!?"  
  
"Yes. Doesn't he look like a Foo-foo to you?" the girl asked another scout.  
  
"Yes, definitely a Foo-foo."  
  
There was a murmur of agreement and nodding. Hiei's left eye was twitching as he stared at the girls.  
  
"You aren't seriously going to call me Foo-foo, are you?"  
  
"Of course. Until you tell us your real name," the girl said.  
  
"Oh, God..." Hiei muttered under his breath.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"What? Who? Me? Oh, I didn't say anything," Hiei said. He sat down, scrunching himself into the corner, and pulled his knees up to his chest.  
  
"This one is strangely calm," one girl whispered to another.  
  
"I know. He hasn't tried anything at all. Maybe he's ill."  
  
"Maybe he's not mentally stable."  
  
"Shut up, Gracie. You think everyone has something wrong with their mentality."  
  
"Most people do!"  
  
"Shut up, Gracie," four girls said at the same time. The girl named Gracie didn't say anything more.  
  
"Ask him if he's okay," the first girl said.  
  
"Why don't you?! You're the one who noticed he was so calm."  
  
"That doesn't mean anything! Maybe he's just putting up a front to make us think he's calm, but really he's some murderer, like a master swordsman or something, and he's secretly planning his escape and how to murder us all!!!"  
  
'That girl is much more right than she thinks,' Hiei thought to himself, resting his head on his knees and closing his eyes.  
  
The van came to a stop suddenly.  
  
"Oh, it's the changing point. Get up, Foo-foo. We've got to get on the bus," a girl ordered. Hiei opened one eye.  
  
"Don't call me Foo-foo, you---" Hiei said, but before he could finish his insult, he was jerked to his feet and pulled out of the van by a couple girls. "Let go of me, you stupid children! Little girls aren't supposed to be able to drag fully-grown men around like this!"  
  
One girl looked at him curiously. "Fully-grown?"  
  
"Oh, shut up!" Hiei was dragged onto a big yellow school bus. The girls shoved him into a seat and surrounded him to make sure he stayed there. He looked around nervously.  
  
"Get comfy. We've got a loooooooooooooooooong ride ahead of us," the girl beside him said. He looked at her, making a point to look disgusted, then he looked out the window. He'd been watching out the window for a few minutes before he felt a weight on his shoulder and looked to see the girl laying her head on him.  
  
"Get the hell off me, you molesting slimeball!" Hiei said, pulling his shoulder out from under her head. She snapped awake and looked at him, batting her eyelashes.  
  
"Please? You're sooooo comfy to rest on," the girl said.  
  
"Like I care! You're sick! You're a little girl!"  
  
"I'm 10 years old!"  
  
"What the hell are they teaching you in the girl scouts? How to attempt to seduce people!? Well it won't work on me! There's only one girl in this world or---" He had started to say 'this world or any of the others,' but being as these stupid kids couldn't know about the Reikai or Makai, he cut himself off and settled with saying, "There's only one girl in this world who I'll allow to rest her head on me, but since she never does, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT! ARE YOU LISTENING? GET THE HELL OFFA ME!!"  
  
Before he had even finished his sentence she had put her head back on his shoulder and fallen asleep. Angrily, he pushed her the other way and she fell right off the seat. He sighed in relief when she didn't wake up.  
  
It was dark before they finally stopped again. Hiei's eyes were well adjusted to seeing in the dark, so when they herded him out of the bus, he could see, despite the complete and total blackness.  
  
They were in the parking lot of a large building which had a sign outside reading, 'Girl Scouts of the Nation.' Hiei raised his eyebrows, realizing they had driven all the way to Girl Scout HQ.  
  
"What are you going to do with me, anyway?" Hiei asked. "Just drag me in there and make cookies out of me or something? Why did you drag me off in the first place? I never did anything to you or your stupid cookies."  
  
"You didn't buy any of our cookies. Everybody buys Girl Scout cookies. It's an unwritten rule," a creepy voice said. A creepy girl voice, of course. "And as to what we're going to do with you, it all depends."  
  
Hiei raised one eyebrow. He could feel the girls hanging onto his arms tighten their grips. He looked around for the creepy voice person and found that he couldn't see anyone other than himself, the Scout Instructor, and 22 scouts. Still, nobody had turned on a light, so these girls were completely blind. Now was his chance. He was about to leap away when somebody flicked on a flashlight. The beam went straight into his eyes.  
  
"Gah! Turn off that damn light!" Hiei said.  
  
"Nope. Come with us."  
  
"Peh. Like I'm going anywhere else," Hiei muttered as he was pushed toward the building, following the flightlight-carrier.  
  
Hiei was taken to the basement and thrown (well, not thrown, although I'm sure he's light enough somebody could throw him if they wanted) into a little room. He looked around and saw, on the ground, human skeletons. Except one that had horns ('Oh, so that's what happened to that under- cover demon that went missing... Deadly girl scouts.'). The windows were high above his head, but they were barred anyway. There was a little TV screen on the wall with an intercom beside it.  
  
"What're you gonna do with me? Just leave me in here to rot?" Hiei asked, looking around.  
  
"It depends on how much your friends care about you," one girl said. "We'll leave a ransom note on the doorstep. We saw some other people in the house we got you from, so you're not the only one living there. They'll find the note and hopefully come and get you."  
  
"Hopefully?"  
  
"Well, if they care they'll come. Otherwise, we'll either leave you here to rot, or we'll drain your blood and put it into our cookies," the girl said, shrugging. "It's normal procedure."  
  
Hiei shuddered at the thought of having his blood drained and stirred into cookie batter.  
  
"The screen and intercom is so we can speak to you without coming down here, and you can speak to us, but only when we speak to you. You probably won't get any food, because like I said, you'll be down here to rot, and if your friends don't come in time... You'll rot. You'll starve, you'll rot, you'll die."  
  
"Oh. That's cheerful," Hiei muttered sarcastically. "You're girl scouts."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Aren't they supposed to be just, like, cheerful little girls who go around selling cookies and stuff?"  
  
"Yes. And when people don't buy our cookies, we have very little tolerance or mercy."  
  
"Oh. So that's why I'm here."  
  
"Yup. You shoulda bought the cookies," the girl said.  
  
"Right. You just told me that you drain people's blood and put it in your cookies. I always wondered about all these stupid after-school groups like this, but I never thoguht they were that disgusting," Hiei said.  
  
"Whatever. I gotta go. Bye-bye, Foo-foo!" the girl said, running off and slamming the door behind her. Hiei cursed under his breath.  
  
'Stupid girl scouts. Why didn't I just kill them all when I had the chance? Damn Shadow. Her and her stupid sugar high competition. She got Kurama all spaced out on caffeine... I wonder if they're still drinking all that...'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Shadow sat, staring across the table at Kurama. They were both twitching from the excessive amounts of caffeine in their bloodstreams. Kurama was twitching worse because he had never done anything like this in his life, either as a fox or as a human. Yusuke was unconscious on the floor. Kuwabara was still asleep, drooling and dreaming.  
  
"One... more... bottle..." Shadow muttered, twisting the cap off a bottle of Mountain Dew. She drank straight out of the bottle, chugging the whole 2-liter in less than two minutes. Kurama had a pitcher of coffee, and he was staring at it like it was going to jump up and rip off his face. It was completely dark outside. It was almost completely dark inside, being as nobody had gotten up to turn on any lights. They'd been having a caffeine tolerance battle for over 10 hours.  
  
Yusuke stirred, rolling over and bumping the table leg. The table moved slightly. Kurama, which his caffeine-overdosed brain, thought it was trying to attack him and he jumped back 5 feet and went into defense mode. Shadow twitched so badly that she fell over. Kurama made it to the bathroom before throwing up. With some of the coffee and Mountain Dew out of him, he felt slightly better, but he took about 6 Tylenol to make sure (Kids, never EVER take 6 Tylenol at one time) and to try to get rid of his splitting headache. He sat down in the hall and passed out.  
  
If anyone had come into the house right about now, they wold have thought somebody came through and did something horrible. That person would have called an ambulance and had these four teenagers taken to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped. Kuwabara was the only one who hadn't had the ability to stay up late and overdose on caffeine. Like usual, Kuwabara was the weakest in this, too.  
  
Luckily for these four, nobody came. Nobody saw the horrible condition they were in. Nobody called an ambulance (is that a good thing?), and nobody saw the box of girl scout cookies sitting on the doorstep. 


	3. Telepathy, Cookies, and Pain

I think this is my longest chapter yet, but I'm not sure. It's mostly conversation and strangle-ation. Poor guys... Oops. I'm giving it away. ^_^ I'll shut up now. *shuts up*  
  
CHAPTER THREE  
Telepathy, Cookies, and Pain  
  
Hiei searched for a place to sit. The floor was carpeted with bones. The whole room reeked of rotten carcasses and human blood. Not exactly something you'd think of when you hear about Girl Scouts. After finding no place to sit, Hiei contented himself with leaning against the wall, although he was sure it wasn't sanitary.  
  
Already tired of captivity, Hiei closed his eyes and searched for his friends' energies. They were no where near him. In fact, they were right where they had been last time he'd seen them: Shadow's house. None of them were moving, either. Shadow, Yusuke, and Kuwabara's energies were almost overlapping. Kurama was on the other side of the house, in the hall near the bathroom. Hiei concentrated and managed to see the inside of the house with his Jagan eye.  
  
Kuwabara was sleeping with his head on the table, the same as he had been that morning. Yusuke was out cold on the ground near Kuwabara's feet. Shadow was unconscious in a tipped-over chair, lying on the floor hugging an empty Mello Yello bottle. Kurama was on the floor in the hall. He was unconscious too. Hiei knew they would be of little or no help for quite a while, but he still wanted to try.  
  
'Kurama!' Hiei called through telepathy. His friend didn't move. 'Kurama, wake up! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!'  
  
Kurama twitched, but didn't wake up. Hiei tried to wake up Yusuke and Shadow, but they gave even less response than Kurama had. Kuwabara was the only one left.  
  
'Hey idiot!' Hiei yelled telepathically. No response.  
  
'I've never known anyone to sleep for a full 24 hours with no reason. Maybe they drugged him yesterday,' Hiei thought. 'I wouldn't put it past them, especially Shadow...'  
  
'KUWABARA!!!' Hiei screamed telepathically. The idiot practically jumped out of his pants, which, if he had, would have made Hiei instantly cut off the image his Jagan was giving him, because the last thing Hiei needed to see was Kuwabara's... nevermind.  
  
"Huh? What? Hiei?" Kuwabara said, looking around. After seeing no signs of Hiei, Kuwabara sat back down. "I must have been dreaming," he decided.  
  
'No, you dolt, you weren't dreaming. It's telepathy, duh!' Hiei said, already annoyed and realizing that Kuwabara would be of very little help on his own.  
  
"Oh. Um. Hi. Why are you telepathy-ing me?" Kuwabara asked, not sure where to look.  
  
'Oh my God. Look around. Does it look like any of the others would be of any help to me!?' Hiei asked.  
  
"Oh, uh, good point," Kuwabara muttered, spotting two unconscious caffeine- overdosers on the floor nearby. "What do you need help for? Why do you need to use telepathy? Ever heard of a phone?"  
  
'Shut up, fool! Just do me a favor, okay?' Hiei said, annoyed. He wanted to kill something, but the most danage he could do was to kick some bones agaisnt the wall. They snapped into pieces.  
  
"Do you a favor?! Like what kind of favor?!" Kuwabara asked. "And if I do, you'll have to give me something in return. Knowing you, you wouldn't have the proper manners to suggest it, so I'll just have to remind you."  
  
'Oh, shut up, Kuwabara. I need you to wake Kurama. He's out in the hall. They all overdosed on caffeine, and for some reason, that made them pass out rather than get hyper. Maybe demon biology doesn't take high doses of caffeine well, I don't know, but the point is, wake up Kurama, and he'll know what to do with the other two,' Hiei said. 'Oh, and also, you might want to open the front door. There's something outside that'll help you understand all this. If it's possible for you to understand anything...'  
  
"What'll you do in return?"  
  
'I don't know! Come to me when you end up in a situation like this, and I'll help. Happy?!'  
  
"What kind of situation? Hiei? Hello? Hiei?!" Kuwabara said, but Hiei had blocked his telepathy for now. "Stupid demon, thinks he's so wonderful. Right, I gotta help Kurama."  
  
When Kuwabara found Kurama, he knelt beside him and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him a little bit.  
  
"Hey Kurama! Kurama? Hey! Wake up! You gotta wake up! Cuz if you don't, then you might go into a coma or something, and I don't think that'd make anybody happy! Kurama!? WAKE UP, YOU!!!"  
  
Kurama didn't wake up.  
  
"Hey Hiei! Can you hear me, shrimp?! Hey, Hiei! HIEI!!!" Kuwabara said, hoping Hiei was listening.  
  
'WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU USELESS BOY?!' Hiei yelled, extremely annoyed at Kuwabara's incompetence.  
  
"God, you're inside my head. You don't need to yell..." Kuwabara muttered.  
  
'Yes I do! You're incompetent! Can't you wake up the stupid fox boy without my help?!'  
  
"That's the thing. He won't wake up."  
  
'That's because YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH! Slap him around! Shake him! Scream in his ears! Dump cold water on him! Throw ice cubes down his shirt or something! Just WAKE HIM UP!!!'  
  
"Okay!!! God, you don't need to have a stroke..."  
  
Kuwabara shook Kurama, screaming at him all the while. That didn't help a whole lot. He slapped him in the face. That just left a big red mark on Kurama's cheek. Getting desperate, Kuwabara pulled a gallon jug of water out of the fridge and held it over Kurama's head.  
  
"Here goes nothing," Kuwabara muttered. He flipped the jug. A gallon of freezing cold water dumped on top of Kurama's head. The boy jumped up and away from Kuwabara so fast he slid backwards on the polished wood floor of the hall.  
  
"What the hell was that for?!" Kurama asked, glaring at Kuwabara. A second later he swayed and almost fell over.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Other than feeling like my head is about to split open, I'm fine. I think I felt a lot better when I was unconscious, though," Kurama muttered. "Why'd you do that?!"  
  
"Hiei told me to."  
  
"Hiei?!"  
  
"Yeah. Through telepathy. He said something... Oh yeah, you're supposed to help Shadow and Yusuke. He says you all overdosed on caffeine, and he also told me to open the front door to find something... Which reminds me that I have to open the front door still..." Kuwabara said. He walked down the hall with Kurama shuffling behind him. When Kuwabara opened the door, he found a box of Girl Scout cookies with a note taped to it. He pulled the note off and handed it to Kurama without reading it. Kurama's jaw dropped.  
  
"Whaf if fit?" Kuwabara asked through a mouth full of cookies.  
  
"Listen to this: 'Hello, sir or ma'am. I'd just like to inform you that we have your friend captive. Yeah, the little guy with black anti-gravity hair and a bad attitude when it comes to girls. If you want him back, come to the Girl Scouts HQ within a few days, because if you don't come soon, he'll starve to death, since we don't feed our captives. Oh, bring plenty of money with you, cuz he's not getting out free.' It's signed with a Girl Scout symbol. You can't seriously tell me that Hiei's been taken captive by Girl Scouts..." Kurama said. He flipped the note over. On the back it said, 'I hope you didn't eat all those cookies yourself, because if you did, you're poisoned pretty bad.'  
  
Kurama looked at Kuwabara for a second, waiting for some strange reaction to eating a box of poisoned Girl Scout cookies. After a minute or two, Kuwabara started getting red splotches all over his face.  
  
"Wow. Fast acting poison," Kurama muttered. He grabbed Kuwabara's arm and pulled him into the living room. The boy was turning blue, probably suffocating. A second later, Kuwabara passed out on the couch. Kurama ran into the bathroom.  
  
"Poisonous Girl Scout cookies. That's something new," Kurama muttered, searching through the medicine cabinet. He found some pills that should counteract the poison and dumped some down Kuwabara's throat. Then he took some Tylenol for his own terrible headache and sat in the 'sacred big fluffy reclining chair,' putting out the foot rest and leaning back until the chair wouldn't lean back anymore. About that time, he heard Hiei's voice.  
  
'Hey, Kurama,' Hiei said.  
  
'Hello Hiei. Having fun with the Girl Scouts?' Kurama said telepathically, deciding to torment his friend a bit.  
  
'Oh, shut up. I need to get out of here before I blow something up.'  
  
'Could you explain how you ended up kidnapped by Girl Scouts in the first place?' Kurama asked.  
  
'Fine. While you and Shadow were having some stupid caffeine tournament, these girls came to the door, tried to seduce me into buying cookies, then when I told them I didn't want any of their stupid cookies no matter what, they dragged me down the street, threw me in the back of a van with 22 Girl Scouts, and took me to their stupid headquarters, where I am stuck in the basement right now in a room full of dead, rotten bodies and human bones,' Hiei explained, rather calmly.  
  
'Oh. Sucks to be you,' Kurama said.  
  
'Oh, gimme a break. I already owe Kuwabara something for waking you up, and now you've gotta go and make it worse by acting like that!' Hiei snapped. 'Just wake up Shadow and Yusuke, or just Yusuke, or whoever you want, and get your lousy useless butts over to the stupid Girl Scouts HQ before I kill all the Girl Scouts.'  
  
'Okay, okay, yeesh...' Kurama got up and walked to the bag in the corner, which he had brought with him and always brought with him when he came to Shadow's house. First-Aid. He pulled a small bottle out. Making sure to plug Yusuke's nose, Kurama poured a small amount of the liquid down the boy's throat. He then got far enough away that when the stuff started acting, he wouldn't be near enough for Yusuke to hurt. He did the same with Shadow, then leaned against the wall and waited for them to react.  
  
Yusuke jumped up suddenly, screaming and waving his hands around in the universal signal for having a burning mouth. Shadow reacted shortly after, screaming like a banshee and trying to rip her tongue out. They acted like this for about half a minute before finally calming down a bit. Shadow looked around and saw Kurama.  
  
"Did you do that?" she asked.  
  
"What? Wake you up?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Yes I did."  
  
"Why are you all wet?"  
  
"I'll explain later."  
  
"Why is Kuwabara all swollen and puffy like that?"  
  
"Wha---? Oh shoot!" Kurama exclaimed. Kuwabara was swollen up like balloon, red and puffy, and his skin was burning hot to the touch. Kurama pulled some other strange concoction out of his bag and poured it down Kuwabara's throat. "That should help. Maybe he won't die. Maybe he will. Right now, the more important news is that Hiei's been kidnapped."  
  
"WHAT?!" Shadow and Yusuke cried.  
  
"Yup."  
  
Shadow ran towards Kurama, leaping at him and wrapping her hands around his neck. She planted her feet on the wall on either side of him and started shaking him. By his neck.  
  
"TRY NOT TO ACT TOO WORRIED, YOU STUPID FOX!!!" she screamed.  
  
"We can't lose our minds," Kurama managed to say. "... Let go..."  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN'T LOSE OUR MINDS? HIEI'S BEEN KIDNAPPED! IF ANY TIME WAS THE RIGHT TIME TO GO NUTS, THIS IS IT! I'M NOT GONNA LET GO UNTIL YOU START HAVING SOME EMOTIONAL REACTION TO IT! AND BESIDES, I NEVER HAD A MIND TO LOSE!!!"  
  
"True..."  
  
"Hey! You're not supposed to agree!"  
  
"Oops."  
  
"START HAVING AN EMOTIONAL REACTION!" Shadow screamed, remembering her reason for strangling Kurama in the first place. She shook him around for a few more seconds before stopping. Kurama's eyes were swirls. Shadow jumped back, putting her feet on the floor rather than the wall and letting go of Kurama's neck. He fell over with a look of happiness at the fact that he could finally breathe again.  
  
Once Kurama caught his breathe and got himself standing again, he glanced at Shadow. She was giving him a look. The look. You know, that ones girls do so well? Yes, well Shadow had that look on her face, and Kurama started inching away into the next room, nervously muttering something about preparing something.  
  
Shadow might as well have exploded.  
  
She leaped on top of Kurama, knocking him over onto his back, and glared at him evilly. "YOU ARE SO STUPID!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HAVE SOME EMOTIONAL REACTION OTHER THAN 'Oh, Hiei's been kidnapped, I suppose we should go save him, right?'"  
  
After a second, Kurama decided that he wasn't about to get this lunatic girl off of him without either hurting her or obeying her, so he gave her the cute innocent puppy-dog look.  
  
"Oh, fine, I guess that's good enough..." Shadow muttered, standing up.  
  
"Yes!" Kurama said, jumping up. "Now... where'd Yusuke go anyway?"  
  
They both looked confused for a second, until they heard the toilet flush in the bathroom down the hall.  
  
"Oh. There he is," Shadow said. "Okay, well I am not quite filled in on the details here. Who kidnapped Hiei and why does he need our help and where is he and how do you know?"  
  
"Hiei got kidnapped by Girl Scouts, believe it or not., and..."  
  
*Thud*  
  
"Shadow? Are you okay? Shadow?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hiei sighed, blocking out the vision his Jagan was giving him.  
  
'Shadow over-reacts way to much. I think she needs to take some lessons on emotional control...' Hiei thought. A second later he added, 'But not from me.'  
  
Suddenly, he heard somebody clearing their throat and spun around to see that the screen and intercom were on.  
  
"What do you want, witch?" Hiei asked.  
  
"Awwww, you cussed! I'm telling Boss Lady!" the girl said, running off. She left the screen on.  
  
"HEY! LAST TIME I CHECKED, WITCH WASN'T A CUSS WORD, YOU STUPID GIRL!" Hiei screamed. "YOU NEED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH REALITY!!! HEEEEEEEEY!!!" The girl didn't hear him. A second later, a different girl appeared.  
  
"Hello. I suppose you're the new captive, huh?" she said. Her voice had no emotion in it; she sounded incredibly bored.  
  
"No kidding. Why else would a guy be in the Girl Scouts building, and other than that, I'M LOCKED IN A BASEMENT ROOM FULL OF ROTTEN SMELLING HUMAN BONES!!!" Hiei yelled.  
  
"I saw them bringing you in. You didn't look to happy."  
  
"No, really?"  
  
"Yeah. You shouldn't have called Cassie the 'w' word. That's one of the words that we get in trouble for saying. Girl Scouts are the future of the country. We need to be pure, and have no bad language such as that... word."  
  
"Oh my God... Girls are not the future of this country! Especially not you stupid stuck-up Girl Scouts!" Hiei said, annoyed.  
  
"Oh, you really shouldn't say that. The Boss Lady is already going to be mad about your language, you shouldn't diss the Girl Scouts," the girl said. "Anyway, Cassie originally called you to say that your friends recieved our ransom note. Who knows what they'll do, or if they'll get here before you starve, but they know what's happening."  
  
"Great," Hiei said dryly. Just then, the girl he was talking to was pushed aside and an extremely annoyed, older-looking woman got close enough to the screen that her face was all Hiei could see.  
  
"YOU CALLED CASSIE THE 'W' WORD!!!" she screamed.  
  
"Yes, and your point is?"  
  
"THAT'S AGAINST OUR RULES! YOU JUST SENT YOUR PRICE UP TO $500!!!" she screeched.  
  
"Am I really worth $500?" Hiei asked.  
  
"Not to us, but you might be to your friends!"  
  
"Peh. I doubt it."  
  
"Then you'll just die."  
  
"Lucky me."  
  
The woman had no comment for that, because she had expected something more along the lines of insane panic rather than insane boredom, so she glared for a minute until she remembered her original reason for talking to him.  
  
"You are NEVER to use that language again, understand? Because if you do, you won't be set free at all, and when your friends come, they'll suffer the same fate as you!"  
  
"What, starving to death in the basement of the Girl Scouts HQ?"  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"Oh well."  
  
"Oh well?!"  
  
"Yeah. If they're stupid enough to let themselves be caught by a bunch of stupid girls, then they deserve to die," Hiei said, shrugging. Then he realized what he had just said. "Oops."  
  
"Yes, you just said you deserve to die. How idiotic of you," the woman said arrogantly, like she was a god or something.  
  
"Oh well."  
  
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?! DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ANYTHING?!"  
  
"Yes I do, but that's my business, not yours."  
  
"DON'T GET AN ATTITUDE WITH ME!"  
  
"I wasn't! Leave me alone."  
  
"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"  
  
Hiei turned his back on the screen, plugged his ears, and started singing some death-metal song to make them go away. When they didn't, he picked up some bones and started beating them off the wall like drums, screaming some song with terribley violent lyrics.  
  
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, YOU HORRIBLE BOY!" the woman was screeching. "YOU'RE INFECTING THE MINDS OF THESE INNOCENT GIRLS!!! HOW COULD YOU SING SUCH TERRIBLE SONGS???"  
  
"GO AWAY, STUPID WITCH!" Hiei screamed when his song was over.  
  
"THAT'S IT! YOUR FRIENDS ARE GONNA DIE WHEN THEY GET HERE!!!"  
  
"YOU COULDN'T KILL MY FRIENDS IF YOU TRIED!!!"  
  
"YOU WANNA BET!?"  
  
"YES I DO!!!"  
  
"Well gambling is against our rules, so you can't."  
  
Hiei fell over, sending bones flying everywhere when he hit the ground.  
  
"Don't expect to hear from any of us for the rest of your life," the woman said arrogantly. With that, she shut the screen off.  
  
"Witch! WITCH!" Hiei yelled at the blank screen. "Why would I want to hear from you stupid people anyway? Everybody knows I'm anti-social. Humans are so stupid. They actually think they're important or something. Ha! Gah! I'm talking to myself."  
  
Hiei clamped his hand over his mouth and refused to talk to himself. Which is a good thing, since talking ot yourself isn't healthy. But I bet you've heard that a billion times.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Okay, are we all ready?!" Kurama asked.  
  
"Mmph!!!" Shadow said. Kurama was holding her by her long ponytail. She had duct tape over her mouth and her arms were duct taped behind her back. Kurama had a black eye. Yusuke was holding a roll of duct tape.  
  
After she had come to, Shadow had strangled Yusuke some, because he had said she loved Hiei and that's why she had over-reacted, until Kurama pointed out that it was her fault nobody noticed Hiei get kidnapped. That's how he got the black eye. Yusuke had come to the rescue by finding Shadow's lifetime supply of duct tape.  
  
"Shadow, we'll let you go if you promise not to kill Kurama," Yusuke said.  
  
"Mmkeh," Shadow said, nodding.  
  
"All right, take the tape off her wrists," Yusuke told Kurama. Kurama pulled the tape off and jumped back, afraid he'd get another black eye, but lucky for him, Shadow slammed Yusuke straight in the face, then kicked him in the crotch. Poor Yusuke.  
  
Yusuke hit the floor instantly, holding his crotch in pain. Kurama flinched at the thought of the pain Yusuke was going through. Shadow had pulled the tape off her mouth and was laughing evilly.  
  
"You know, Shadow, sometimes I think you're more evil and cruel than Youko and Hiei put together. You've done nothing but abuse us since I woke you up," Kurama said. Shadow instantly stopped laughing and glared at him.  
  
"I'm nothing like you, or your demented little pyro friend," Shadow said.  
  
"He's your friend too."  
  
"So!? I'm still nothing like him!!!"  
  
"Okay, okay, don't have a cow..."  
  
"Moo."  
  
"Right... Okay, well once Yusuke recovers, we can start towards the Girl Scout HQ. I can't help but wonder what Hiei is doing in a huge building full of girls, or what they're doing to him..."  
  
"I'm sure it's nothing pleasant."  
  
"True."  
  
"Let's go," Shadow said. She opened the front door and started down the sidewalk.  
  
"Shadow! You're going the wrong direction!" Kurama yelled from the front porch. Annoyed, Shadow looked over her shoulder at him, spun around, and marched back down the street, glaring at him the entire time. Kurama walked out and met her on the sidewalk, falling in step with her while Yusuke limped behind them. 


	4. Police, Potty Mouths, and Phools

CHAPTER FOUR  
Police, Potty Mouths, and Phools  
  
In case you're wondering, a phool is a fool, spelled with a PH. I just noticed the other two started with P, so I decided to spell Fool wrong so it would fit in. We can't leave one word stranded and sad away form all the others, can we? Of course not! We must make it fit in!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
By the time it was dark, Kurama, Yusuke, and Shadow had only gotten about one third of the way to the Girl Scout HQ building.  
  
"At this rate, Hiei will be dead before we get there," Yusuke said.  
  
"Hey! Be positive!" Shadow said happily, slapping Yusuke on the back.  
  
"We need a car," Kurama said.  
  
"Are you suggesting we hitch a ride?"  
  
"No. I'm suggesting we get a car."  
  
"Well, here comes one now! Who's gonna steal it?"  
  
"Shadow! I never said--" Kurama called, but she was already in the middle of the car's path, waiting for it to stop.  
  
"IDIOT! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!" the driver screamed.  
  
"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" Shadow screamed. Kurama darted out and dragged her back by her hair.  
  
"Idiot girl! You don't know how to steal cars!" Kurama snapped.  
  
"And I suppose you do?!"  
  
"Shadow, you're an idiot. Kurama was a theif. In Makai. For hundreds of years. I THINK HE WOULD KNOW HOW TO STEAL A CAR!!!" Yusuke yelled.  
  
"WELL THEN WHY DOESN'T HE STEAL ONE?!"  
  
"YOU WANT ME TO STEAL A STUPID CAR? I'LL STEAL A STUPID CAR!" Kurama screamed. He walked up the street to where there were about ten cars conveniently parked right beside the sidewalk. He looked them over, walked up to a truck, picked the lock, jumped in, and started the engine.  
  
"GET IN THE STUPID CAR!" Kurama yelled.  
  
"I think he's having that emotional reaction you were trying to drag out of him earlier," Yusuke whispered to Shadow.  
  
"I think he's just lost his mind," Shadow replied.  
  
"That'd be... your fault."  
  
"No! It's Hiei's fault for going and getting himself kidnapped," Shadow said, sticking her nose up in the air and crossing her arms.  
  
"Get in the TRUCK!!!" Kurama yelled, suddenly behind them. They both jumped 50 feet in the air, ran to the truck, fought over who would get the other seat, then ended up both getting strangled and thrown in the back.  
  
'Kurama, I don't think you should be stealing stuff right now,' Hiei said suddenly.  
  
'It's Shadow's fault. If she wasn't with us, we could run, but if we run, we'll leave her behind. Like, way way way behind. Don't worry, I'll return the truck,' Kurama answered. He slammed down the gas pedal and the truck shot forward at about 90 mph. Yusuke and Shadow almost flew out of the back.  
  
"DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LISCENCE?!" Shadow screamed, hoping Kurama could hear her.  
  
"NO!!!" Kurama yelled back. Shadow and Yusuke exchanged glances, then both started screaming.  
  
'ROAD RAGE!!! MUWAHAHAAAA!!!' Kurama thought, smiling insanely.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hiei paced the room, happy that his friends were going to be there soon, but also slightly worried about the methods they were using... Stealing trucks. Speeding down highways with people in the back, screaming at the top of their lungs in the middle of the night. Road rage?!  
  
"You're suffering, aren't you!!!" A little girl was on the screen on the wall. Hiei looked at her with the, 'Isn't that obvious and are you the stupidest person in the universe?' look. She giggled.  
  
"I thought nobody was allowed to talk to me anymore?" Hiei said.  
  
"I have special permission. I like to watch people suffer!" the girl giggled.  
  
"Well I'll make sure there's a mirror nearby when my friends get here," Hiei said. The girl obviosuly didn't understand this, because she just giggled.  
  
"I'm going to check in on you every day to see how bad you're feeling," the girl said. "And when you start getting too weak to stand up, I'll make sure that I'm here to watch it, and laugh at you until you die!!!"  
  
"You're sick!!!" Hiei said, disgusted. "I thought Shadow was the only girl in the world who was like that!!!"  
  
"Who's Shadow?! Your sister? Your girlfriend? Your cousin or aunt or uncle or mother or--"  
  
"THERE IS NO RELATION AT ALL!!!" Hiei screamed.  
  
"Then she's your girlfriend!"  
  
Hiei fell over, sending a shower of bones everywhere.  
  
"NO!" he screamed, throwing a bone at the screen. The bone hit and shattered the screen.  
  
"What did you do?!" the girl screeched over the intercom.  
  
"Damn! The intercom still works," Hiei said.  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! YOU CUSSED!!!" the girl squealed, so high- pitched that Hiei covered his ears, fell to the floor, and curled up in a little ball.  
  
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!" Hiei screamed.  
  
"YOU CUSSED!!! YOU CUSSED!!! HOW DARE YOU CUSS LIKE THAT?!"  
  
"IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME YOU STUPID GIRL!!!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Kurama glanced into the rearview mirror. The sirens and flashing lights hadn't gotten any further away since the last time he'd checked. The man hanging out the window of the police car was still yelling through the megaphone, "Pull over the vehicle!!!" and Shadow and Yusuke were still lying in the back of the truck, maybe even unconscious.  
  
And Kurama was still speeding down the highway in a stolen truck.  
  
"Pull over to the side of the road!!!" the officer yelled.  
  
The police had been following Kurama since about half an hour after he stole the truck. That made it a total of fourty-five minutes they'd been chasing him. Shadow was getting sick of their annoying megaphones, so she stood up.  
  
"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'M GONNA COME BACK THERE AND MAKE YOU SHUT UP!!!" Shadow screamed.  
  
"Shadow!" Yusuke snapped. "You're giving them a perfect target!"  
  
"They don't shoot people unless they try to escape!" Shadow argued.  
  
"Hello?! We are trying to escape."  
  
"Oh! I forgot." She sat down.  
  
"Reckless endangerment! Over the speed limit! Possibley driving a stolen vehicle! If you don't pull over now, you're gonna go to prison for the rest of your lives!!!" the officer yelled. Annoyed, Shadow stood up again. Yusuke was about to grab her and tie her down when he saw what she was doing. His jaw dropped.  
  
Shadow was flipping off the cops.  
  
"---- YOU, YOU STUPID COPS!!!" Shadow screamed. Her first word was cut off by a car driving by, honking its horn at the cops. "WE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN SIT HERE AND LISTEN TO YOUR STUPID LECTURES!!! WHY DON'T YOU GO- --" An extremely loud tractor trailer went by. "---YOURSELVES!!!"  
  
"WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT NOW!!!" the cop screamed. Shadow's jaw dropped.  
  
"YOU MEAN IF YOU DID HAVE TIME YOU WOULD!?"  
  
"SHUT UP, GIRL!!! I HAVE A LOADED GUN HERE!!!"  
  
"SO???"  
  
"AND YOU ALSO ADDED SOME MORE PUNISHMENT WITH THAT LITTLE GESTURE!!!"  
  
"MMMPH!!!" Shadow screamed. She said 'mmph' rather than some swear word because Yusuke had suddenly slapped some duct tape over her mouth.  
  
"You are your own downfall," Yusuke said, sounding like some philospher or somebody who gives all that wise advice. Maybe kinda like Kurama.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"This is your duct tape. I took it from your house."  
  
"Fmmf!!!" Shadow said. Then she blinked and a look of sudden realization came over her face. She reached up and pulled the duct tape off her mouth.  
  
"Damn!"  
  
"Ha, you forgot I had hands!" Shadow said, waving them in Yusuke's face. Then she quickly stole her duct tape back. "This is mine."  
  
"Damn!"  
  
"Stop cussing, or I'll duct tape you, you potty mouth!" Shadow said.  
  
"I'm not a potty mouth!!! You're the one who told those cops to f-mmp!!!" Yusuke was cut off by a mouth full of duct tape. "Hnn!!! Het 'is offh mey!!!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Mew cahn unnernsnen hmmee?"  
  
"Yup. Every word."  
  
"Moah."  
  
They were suddenly cut off by the cops shooting at them. Shadow made another... ahem... rude gesture with her hand, and the cops shot at her. They missed, but they managed to shatter the back window. Kurama somehow kept his concentration and didn't serve at all. Instead, they went about 40 mph faster. The cops fell back. A few miles up the road, when he was sure the cops couldn't see, he did a complete u-turn and went back past them without them even noticing. They kept chasing him straight along the highway.  
  
"Why are we going back?" Shadow asked, pulling herself through the shattered back window and into the passenger's seat of the truck.  
  
"Because we passed the turn."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Did you really expect me to lead the cops straight to where we had to stop? No! Cuz then we couldn't have stopped, cuz then the cops would have stopped us, and Hiei would have been doomed to die in a Girl Scout basement with some little girl watching him slowly starve to death. And it would be quite slow. Hiei can go a while without food."  
  
"It's been over 24 hours, hasn't it?"  
  
"Yes. Let's see... He got dragged off around 11 in the morning yesterday. He didn't get there until dark. That's a pretty long drive. A short while later, he woke Kuwabara up, and Kuwabara got me up, and I woke you up. It was light when we left. This story has some serious time holes..."  
  
"Shut up! If anybody is that picky or if they bother to go back and search through for details like that, they shouldn't be reading this," Shadow hissed.  
  
"I know, but stories should make sense, shouldn't they?"  
  
"Shut up and drive and stop picking it apart!!!" Shadow yelled.  
  
"Okay, okay..."  
  
"Wait, but it doesn't have plot holes! I just realized that it took us hours upon hours to walk, so it DOESN'T have plot holes, you stupid fox! You think you're so great!" Shadow said happily.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"That was strange," Hiei muttered out loud. He'd been watching his friends since the little girl on the intercom had left. She had screamed about his cussing a little more, but he had managed to keep his hearing, and then she left.  
  
"Hey stupid boy," a voice said over the intercom.  
  
"Who, me?" Hiei said dryly. He could barely make out a shape in the shattered screen.  
  
"YES YOU! WHAT OTHER BOY WOULD I BE TALKING TO?"  
  
"The one in your pa--- Never mind."  
  
"WHAT? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY, LOSER?"  
  
"I said don't mind me. It was nothing."  
  
"SAY IT!!!"  
  
"No. Cuz then, this story might be forced to go up a level in maturity."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And we can't have that. Little people might be reading it."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"What were you saying before I almost said something I shouldn't have?"  
  
"Somebody told me you broke your monitor."  
  
"Well somebody is wrong. Does it look like my monitor is broken? Noooooo. Go away."  
  
"Oh, okay." The intercom cut out.  
  
Hiei stared at the speaker on the wall for a second, amazed at what had just happened.  
  
"How could somebody be so stupid?" Hiei asked himself. "Oh yeah. We're talking about Girl Scouts here. Of course they're stupid..."  
  
'We're talking about Girl Scouts? What the fuh--- oh, uh ...fudge...? I'm the only one here, why did I say we?' Hiei thought. 'Maybe I'm losing my mind. Maybe I'm less anti-social than I thought. Maybe there's really somebody else in the room with me, and I subconsciously know it, so I said we. Or there's always the possiblity I'm losing my mind.'  
  
Hiei sat on the floor and started staring off into space, meditating or thinking or trying to set smelly human bones on fire.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yay! Did you figure out who the Phool was? Well in case you didn't, it was the person who believed Hiei's monitor wasn't broken. Yay, you're smart! *cough cough cough* 


	5. The Ending

CHAPTER FIVE  
The Ending  
  
Less than an hour later, Kurama slammed on the brakes and left huge black marks in the Girl Scout HQ parking lot. The truck did a full 360 turn before coming to a stop, perfectly within the yellow lines separating the parking places. Shadow stared.  
  
"Wow. Maybe you're not just a road-rage, car-chase, smash-innocent-animals- onto-the-highway type of guy. You've actually got some skill."  
  
"I didn't mash any innocent animals!" Kurama said, jumping to the ground from the driver's seat of the truck and glaring up at Shadow, who was still standing in the back of the truck.  
  
"Well you would have at the speed you were going," Shadow said. "Unless, of course, a fox was on the road. Then you would have killed us all to save it."  
  
"Is there something wrong with that?"  
  
"Shut up guys! Let's go," Yusuke said. He was holding a piece of duct tape in his hand.  
  
"Hey! That's supposed to be on your mouth!" Shadow snapped.  
  
"Let's go," Kurama said, running after Yusuke. Shadow sighed and jumped out of the truck, actually managing to land on her feet and start running after the two boys without tripping (unlike most girls...).  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The intercom on the wall exploded into static all of a sudden, scaring Hiei so bad he jumped backwards into the opposite wall. The static cleared up and a girl started talking.  
  
"Hey, can you hear me?"  
  
"Yes, what do you want?" Hiei asked, annoyed.  
  
"Well, I just wanted to ask you if you knew anybody with short black hair, long red hair, or long black hair. Do you?" the girl asked.  
  
"Maybe. Why?"  
  
"Because three people like that are coming towards the front door right now."  
  
'YES!!!' Hiei thought, restraining himself from screaming it out loud. "Oh. Well I suppose I do, then."  
  
"Oooooh. They are the friends that we're supposed to throw in the dungeon with you, aren't they?"  
  
"No, uh... I don't have any friends. They're my, uh... armed bodyguards..." Hiei said, realizing that had to sound pretty stupid, as he was sure none of them had brought guns along.  
  
"Armed bodyguard?! If you have bodyguards, why didn't they save you before you ever got kidnapped?"  
  
"Good point. So they aren't bodyguards. Either that or they're really lousy bodyguards. Either way, they're gonna kick you alls's butts and get me outta here," Hiei said.  
  
"Ha! Nobody can beat the Girl Scout's Intruder Prevention Attack Squad!!!" the girl said, sounding confident.  
  
"What's that? Some little kids running around throwing cookies?"  
  
"How did you know?!" the girl said, soundng horrified.  
  
"Oh my God."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Yay! The front door! How shall we enter it? We could: A) Ring the Doorbell," Shadow said.  
  
"There is no doorbell," Yusuke pointed out.  
  
"There's always B: Go in through the windows!" Shadow said. She looked around and noticed there were no windows. She looked back at the two boys and smiled innocently.  
  
"I like C best," Kurama said.  
  
"C? What's C?" Shadow asked.  
  
"Bust the door down," Kurama said happily.  
  
"Maybe it's open and we could just walk in," Yusuke said. He pushed and pulled and tried everything, but the door was locked.  
  
"Kurama, why owuld you bust the door down when you could just as easily pick the lock and go in peacefully?" Shadow asked.  
  
"Pah! Picking locks is for sneaky theiveries and stuff. I like breaking down doors when we're doing this kind of thing," Kurama said, shrugging.  
  
"OKay then, let's see you break the door."  
  
Kurama pulled off some karate kick or something and the door broke right in half.  
  
"Flimsy doors," Kurama muttered. "That's just something I made up right now, too. The door should at least stand up to some lame move I just make up off the top of my head..."  
  
"Riiiiiight," Shadow muttered, staring at Kurama.  
  
"Right! Let's go," Kurama said. He led the way into the HQ with Yusuke and Shadow close behind. The halls were empty. At the end of the hall they had the choice of going upstairs or seeing what was behind a door.  
  
"Well? Which way, brainiac?" Shadow asked dryly.  
  
"I wonder... Do they even know we're here?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How do you know, fox boy?!"  
  
"Girls seem to have a sixth sense sometimes. Have you ever noticed that?"  
  
"These are Girl Scouts, Kurama. They have no brains!!!" Shadow said, pointing to her head. "They do, however, have cameras." She pointed to the ceiling. In the corner was a small camera, focused on the three of them. Shadow flipped it off, the same as she had with the cops.  
  
"Well here's a map of the whole place," Kurama said, looking at a big map on the wall. "Boy, they're stupid to keep this here. Look, it even says they have prison cells in the basement! We go through this door."  
  
Shadow turned the knob and pushed the door open before Kurama could pull off some strange move and break the door. Inside was a huge room. On the other side were some little girls holding boxes of cookies.  
  
"FIRE!!!" one screamed as soon as the three were inside. The girls started hurling cookies at Kurama, Shadow, and Yusuke. They easily dodged them (even Shadow) and attacked the girls. Luckily Kuwabara wasn't with them, because if he was he wouldn't have hurt the girls like the three of them did. Girl Scouts were coming and dropping like flies. Shadow grabbed one.  
  
"Does your face hurt, little girl?" Shadow asked.  
  
"Huh-uh," the girl said, looking terrified.  
  
"Well it's killing me!" Shadow punched the girl in the face and dropped her. "Ah, that's much better."  
  
"Let's go!" Kurama said. They ran through the door at the other side of the room and entered the main function room of the Girl Scouts. Tons of girls wearing Girl Scout uniforms were everywhere. The main Boss Lady turned to face them.  
  
"Ah, you would be the captive boy's friends," she said.  
  
"Ah, yes, last time I checked," Yusuke said.  
  
The woman turned around and pressed a button. "Hey boy, your friends are here. Don't worry, they'll join you soon enough."  
  
"Ha! Right," came Hiei's voice over the speaker.  
  
"Well, you'll see how wrong you were when three unconscious kids are thrown in there with you."  
  
"How are you gonna knock them out? All you've got is some girls to throw cookies at them!!!"  
  
"That's encouraging," Kurama said happily. "I can beat cookies. Hell, even Shadow can beat cookies."  
  
"Hey! I take that as an insult!" Shadow snapped.  
  
"That's because it was," Kurama said.  
  
"Oh. No wonder. Well, bring on the cookies, old hag lady!" Shadow snapped.  
  
"You heard her!" the woman said. Tons of girls formed lines in front of the three, each of them armed with either cookies or cookie dough.  
  
"It's too bad you broke your screen or you could watch your friends get plastered!" the woman said into the speaker. Hiei snorted. "FIRE AWAY, GIRLS!!!" the woman yelled.  
  
Yusuke, Shadow, and Kurama easily dodged all the cookies that were hurled at them. In fact, the two boys 'vanished.' Rather, they jumped up into the rafters, leaving Shadow to be the single target for the girls, and they walked along until they reached the wall. Below them was an open doorway with stairs leading down. Kurama dropped out of the rafters, at least a ten-foot fall, landed easily, and ran down the stairs. Yusuke followed. Shadow saw them go and screamed some extremely high-pitched, angry curse words at them and shoved through the lines of girls to follow.  
  
Of course, the girls followed Shadow, refusing to let her get away. They flooded down the stairs after her just in time to see Kurama kicking down every door in the basement until he found the one where Hiei was.  
  
"Hullo, Hiei!" Kurama said when he saw the little demon. Hiei looked up at him.  
  
"Hello. It's about time. You off your caffiene high?"  
  
"Never had one. I passed out."  
  
"How about your road rage? You over that?"  
  
Kurama got the most insane happy look on his face, so unlike him that Hiei stared at him like he would go insane any minute. Kurama smiled, closing his eyes and looking away for a second before answering.  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
Hiei let out a little snort.  
  
"That was fun, man!!!" Kurama said, laughing at the look on Hiei's face.  
  
"I'm sure it was. The whole police chase, too?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Kurama, if you ever get a driver's liscense, remind me to shoot myself."  
  
"Why would you do that?"  
  
"I can just imagine you in a huge, jacked-up truck, flying down the road, going up on the curb, leaving long black marks on the road and sending gravel everywhere when you hit Shadow's driveway, breaking a few windows, spinning in a full circle before you come to a stop, laughing insanely with that insane glint in your eyes while Shadow has a stroke, screaming about how much you're going to pay for all the broken windows and how long you're going to spend picking up every single piece of gravel so she doesn't hit them with the lawn mower, and beating you with a stick until you do. I don't need that," Hiei said dryly.  
  
"I wouldn't do that!!!"  
  
"WHY ARE YOU TWO JUST STANDING THERE, CHATTING LIKE YOU'RE NOT SOME KIDS TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM THE GIRL SCOUTS!!! THEY'RE ALL STANDING RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW!!!" Shadow screamed suddenly, pointing behind her at the girls, who were all standing and staring with their ouths hanging open stupidly.  
  
"Oh. Right," Kurama said.  
  
"Yeah, lets go."  
  
With that all figured out and Kurama in the lead, the four took off down the hall, luckily finding some stairs at the end. They went up them and found themselves outside.  
  
"God. Why would they have a set of stairs like that?" Hiei wondered. "I'm starting to realize that Girl Scouts aren't just a conspiracy, they're also completely retarded."  
  
"Yeah. Well they're girls. What did you expect?" Yusuke said. No sooner had that got out of his mouth then he was on the ground holding his crotch with tears of pain in his eyes.  
  
"I AM NOT RETARDED!!!" Shadow screamed.  
  
"Oh... I forgot... you were a girl..." Yusuke muttered. Shadow fell over, lying on the ground twitching for a second, muttering some incoherant words in some strange language that she seemed to have made up on the spot.  
  
"Let's go," Kurama said. "I'm getting sick of saying that."  
  
"I'm driving!" Hiei said. He ran ahead towards the truck Kurama had stolen. Kurama was right behind him, yelling at him that he probably couldn't even reach the pedals. Shadow jumped up, pulled Yusuke up, and ran after the two demons, who were now rolling around strangling each other on the parking lot. While they were occupied, Shadow jumped up into the driver's seat and revved the engine, snickering insanely at the looks she got from the two demon boys, who stared at her with looks of complete horror.  
  
Hiei fumbled for words for a second, staring at her with a look of complete terror. When he couldn't come up with any words, he pushed Kurama off and walked around the truck, pulling himself up into the passenger's seat.  
  
"You can't drive," he said.  
  
"Why not? I know how."  
  
"You can't."  
  
"Give a good reason."  
  
Hiei opened and closed his mouth a couple times, trying to think of something, but he couldn't, so he just turned, facing forward, and fastened his seatbelt. Kurama climbed up into the back, helping the poor pained Yusuke up before he turned and scooted up to the broken-out back window.  
  
"Shadow, I hate you. I'm oldest, I should drive," Kurama said, glaring at her. Shadow laughed evilly, revving the engine a couple more times.  
  
"Is everyone ready?" she asked.  
  
"NO!" all three boys said at the same time.  
  
"Good! I'm so glad you feel that way," Shadow said happily.  
  
"Well if you're gonna go, I suggest you go now, because those girls are coming," Hiei said.  
  
"GET THEM!!!" the girls screamed, launching cookie dough at Kurama and Yusuke, the two who were unfortunate enough to sit in the back of the truck. Kurama screamed before ducking away from the on-coming attack. The flood of cookie dough splattered Yusuke full in the face, knocking him backwards.  
  
"GO!" Hiei screamed.  
  
"HOLD ON TO SOMETHING!!!" Shadow screamed. She slammed down the gas pedal. The tires screeched before they shot forward at 200 mph, so fast that Hiei was sent backwards into his seat and Kurama and Yusuke were left hanging off the back of the truck, screaming.  
  
"I LOVE THIS!!!" Shadow yelled, getting to the highway. She weaved between the cars with the skill of somebody who played lots of car chase video games. She was also on the wrong side of the road, did I mention that?  
  
"EVEN KURAMA ISN'T THIS BAD!!! I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT SHOOTING MYSELF IF KURAMA STARTS DRIVING!!! YOU TWO WOULD GET ALONG GREAT!!!" Hiei yelled. "I'LL SHOOT BOTH OF YOU AND LEAVE MYSELF ALONE!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Shadow slowed down to a more normal speed when she realized Kurama and Yusuke were barely hanging onto the back and that if she kept going that speed she would eventually send them flying to their deaths on the highway. She also realized that if she kept going that speed she would eventually kill them all by crashing, because she remembered all the times she had played Crazy Taxi. She always smashed something.  
  
They arrived back at Shadow's place in about an hour and a half. Shadow was quite happy, while Hiei, Kurama, and Yusuke all felt like they were going to wet themselves. They were shaking, exspecially Kurama and Yusuke, and their eyes weren't quite focused. They walked inside to find Kuwabara was still unconscious on the couch. The three boys all collapsed onto various pieces of furniture and stayed there until they recovered while Shadow went up to her room to play video games.  
  
"I am never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever going to be in the same car as that girl whe nshe's in the drver's seat ever ever again," Hiei promised. The other two nodded in agreement. "I'm also never going to be kidnapped by Girl Scouts either. Stupid witches. They're all a conspiracy... How come they're allowed to kidnap people but they can't say witch?!"  
  
"Because they're very screwed up," Kurama said. "Can we leave it at that and talk later? I feel like..."  
  
He heaved, then ran away with his hand over his mouth.  
  
"Nice..." Hiei muttered sickly. Then he realized Yusuke had passed out. "Great... Am I the only one who can control myself?"  
  
He started to think about this, but before he could think much, his stomach started doing flip-flops and he ran away with his hand over his mouth too. 'Well that blows that idea,' Hiei thought sickly. 'I swear ...that girl has caused me more pain then anybody I ever fought...'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The end. I wasn't sure how to end it, but I guess that'll do... Please review!!! I'm not getting hardly any reviews on any of my stories, and if you people like them, you better tell me or I'll stop writing and you'll wish you had. I have an idea for another story, but I'm not sure whether it'll be a comedy or not. I'll just have to see how it turns out while I write... 


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